We are returning to the study of Rabbi Yoel Schwartz's book “Secrets of a Happy Marriage.” “Kabbalah also teaches a very important thing, that each intimacy between a man and a woman, even if a child was not conceived in it, still gives birth to spiritual forces, which are a (certain) kind of souls. And so the intimacy was not in vain even for those who were not awarded by the birth of a child. Based on this, (the sages) explained the following, as stated in the Torah. Avraham is ‘a father of many nations’ (Genesis 17:5). And he is not only their spiritual father (as he has become the father of mankind in matters of faith in God because he propagated it around the world), but he is still, in a sense, the actual father of those heirs who take giyur, and (it's said) about them that everyone, taking giyur, adds a spiritual level to his soul. This level is the result of intimacy between Avraham and Sarah, which they carried for dozens of years before Sarah became pregnant and gave birth to Yitzchak.” Each intimacy gives birth to independent immaterial essence, which, in other words, is called soul. At first glance, the statement above contradicts the words of the sages that three are involved in a birth: a father, a mother and God, who gives the soul (treatise “Kidushin” 30b). As a result, it is unclear what the soul is. Whether it is God's gift or the product of parents' intimacy? This contradiction is resolved simply. We are talking about different levels of the soul. The soul, a the gift of God, is a bearer of such qualities as the desire to do good, aspiration to justice, etc. The soul from the parents is an emotional-energy formation. The parents' soul, together with the body, forms the vessel to which the Divine soul descends. It sometimes happens that a very pure and lofty Divine soul descends into a harmonious parents' soul (for example, King Solomon), and sometimes into a disharmonious parents' soul (for example, King David). The sages taught this (Vayikra Rabba, 38). “Rabbi Aha interpreted: David said this in front of the Lord: ‘Lord of the Universe, Yishai did not intend to create me, he only satisfied his passion. And as soon as the passion had been satisfied, the father turned his face to one side, and the mother — to another. And You have collected every drop.’ And about this David said, ‘When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.’ (Psalm 27:10).” Perhaps the sages wanted to explain to us with this Midrash, how the same man has become the author of such lofty book as “Tehilim” (“Psalms”) and yet had sinned with another man's wife at the same time. We can also understand from the words of Rabbi Yoel, that in these cases, when conception has not occurred, a bundle of energy (the parents' soul) is still formed in space.
We are continuing to quote Rabbi Yoel. “We can teach in the opposite direction in the same manner, how difficult are (the consequences) of an intimacy, prohibited by the Law of God, and also the emission of semen in vain. They create negative spiritual forces in the world that cause various harm, especially to whomever generated those forces. Often a person suffers from these forces, even without understanding why (various bad) things happen to him. We are talking about this world. But the main harm is inflicted on a person by these forces after death, when they (forces-souls) chase his soul and cause it suffering, which is considered a part of the suffering of Hell” (ibid.). [This could be incorrect: I didn't find this book in English! — Daniel Alievsky] We can conclude from reading this, that an intimacy not only with a real partner, but also with a virtual one (as in the case of spilling semen in vain while warming oneself with fantasies of a partner) gives birth to an independent emotional-energy essence, which can be called a soul of the lowest order. These souls do not just come into the world, but are able to return good for good or evil for evil to their parents.
All this leads us to think seriously about the importance of purity of thoughts during intimacy. For this reason, we'll give a passage from the Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu's book “The Road to Purity.”
“Nine cases of prohibited intimacy between spouses are listed in the Talmud (Nedarim 20b), in which children with vicious tendencies can be conceived. These include a sexual relationship:
- Against the wishes of the wife.
- In a case when the husband hates his wife.
- In a case when the husband or the wife are separated from community.
- In a case when the husband, during sexual intercourse with his wife, is thinking that he carries intimacy with another woman (‘substitution’).
- In a case when the wife does not want to stay married.
- In a state of alcohol intoxication.
- In a case when the husband is going to divorce his wife.
- In a case when the husband or the wife, during sexual intercourse, are thinking about other partners also (‘mixing’).
- In a case when the wife is openly (in words) expressing the requirement of sexual intimacy.
According to the views of some authorities, this group also includes:
- In a case when the wife is sleeping during sexual intercourse.
They say that children, born as a result of such prohibited sexual relations, are like “mamzers” (born of adultery). Although, of course, they are not “mamzers.” And while the destiny of such children, of course, is not predetermined (it is not certain that they will become villains or criminals), yet they will have strong vicious tendencies, and a righteous life will be difficult for them.” [This could be incorrect: I didn't find this book in English for free! — Daniel Alievsky]